WHY WE TALK AND CHAT?
I apologise for the long absence of an article.It is not about putting something out,even when it carries little meaning.After all,that is what we are interested in[meaning],as human beings.I agree ...our lives are full contradictions ...we often end up making up meaning for ourselves.Nevertheless,we can hardly survive without some sense of meaning.One of the things we do ...on a daily basis,that brings meaning and relief to our existence,is talking or chatting.We talk about ourselves and others.We talk about the weather and politics.We talk about sports and celebrities.We talk about ideas and hopes.Why do we chat?
A. FINDING COMMON GROUND
The first motivation that drives us to chat with others ...is usually to find some common ground.We are instinctively afraid of being alone.(physically,emotionally and mentally)We have a drive to want to be understood?Why?It is simply ...to avoid being alone.We want others to join us in our own way of thinking.We are built that way.Finding similar stands on issues helps us to feel part of others.It is a strong need.If you want to test the validity of this point.Try this "harmless"trick.[as long as they do not realise what you are doing]When someone tries to explain something to you;just reply with "I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ".And see their response?Would they stop trying to explain or would they even try harder to make themselves understood?
B. ACHIEVING SOME INTIMACY
Another motivation for our desire to talk to each other....is for intimacy.It is slightly different from finding common ground.Intimacy is about ...making others live your experience.You can explain yourself to someone so that they can realise a shared common ground.However that is different from letting them experience it for themselves.When we rant or spill our guts to someone else without them replying[or saying anything until you finish];there is some intimacy involved.Nobody needs to explain...to the listener what you are feeling;they are experiencing it.[for themselves]
In a certain way...sharing secrets with others is also,to create some intimacy.Intimacy is about going a distance with someone more than ...you usually go with others.Even when we ..are talking about mundane topics,we could still be trying to create intimacy.If you do not have the habit of talking that much with anyone else then,it is intimacy you are seeking to achieve.
C. ACHIEVING SOME OUTCOME
We often[sometimes we don't] ...have an outcome [in our minds]that we want to achieve,before we approach someone to talk.It could be ...to tell a joke,give an advice,heal their emotions or feelings.It could be to tell a story.It could even be ...just to kill or waste idle time.When we finish chatting...we feel satisfied with our actions,if the outcome we aimed for comes into reality.
D. IT IS HEALTHY
Above and beyond...any other reason or motivation,is the fact that talking has good health implications for all of us.There is not a single therapist out there that would ....tell you that expressing yourself is unhealthy.The physical benefits...lie in muscle exercise.The emotional benefits lie in off-loading chronic worries.The mental benefits ...lie in been able to keep your brain and mind actively sharp.Of Course,talking too much has it's repercussions.And also talking out of tune or proper occasion has it's downfalls.So try to be balanced....And talking can
do you more good than all those pain killers you are popping into your system.Find trusted [as much as you can trust them]company to talk to ...because,talking is like sowing seeds.And sowing bad seeds..produce bad fruits.And good seeds on bad ground,produce no fruits.
E. SHOW RESPECT
This is a bit difficult to explain but,we talk sometimes to show respect.[if you like ...to be polite].Awkward silence can be irritating...so we talk.Personally,I would rather be rude than ...say something stupid or meaningless.Be respectful but try to be meaningful.
F. TO KEEP UP WITH OUR LIES/ wrongful wishes
Haha,I obviously do not advocate this motive to talk or chat.If you have read my past articles...[in my Footballfella.net website] you would completely understand.Some have painted an image or personality that is far from ...who they are in reality.And so,to maintain that falsehood,they need to talk.They have to maintain their lies with more lies [or false shows]After a while,a network of lies has been formed.And a lot of energy is needed to sustain it.The truth of the matter is that ...most of us do not care about chronic liars.Once we have correctly identified someone who is a perpetual falsehood projector,we ignore whatever they say.[we do not take them serious]
G. To iron out the intense DEBATE B/w SELF JUDGEMENT AND SELF EXPERIMENT.
Have you ever considered giving names to the voices in your head?Every one has at least two voices in their mind or brain.[some more....]Anytime you have a decision to make;there is a pro and con argument for it.One mind or voice is judgemental about your inclination,and the other is ...experimental.When we talk out our dilemma,it is easier to figure out which way to go.Sometimes the audience is clueless,about the tumult going on in our mind.And it is okay,because your action of chatting can achieve two goals;to iron out your internal debate and entertain/educate your chatting companion.
H. TO KEEP UP WITH OUR GOAL TO CONTROL AND manipulate.
On a similar timeline as keeping up with ...our lies,is the keeping up with the aim to maintain control and domination.We are ....in control[or seem to be] when we are selling rather than buying.Unfortunately,most of us have nothing or poor quality to sell.It is hugely irritating for audiences to listen to crap.This is why,some of us ...who desire to talk/chat to keep up with our goal to control and manipulate the groups we belong to(without substance to do it)find ourselves irritating others.
I. If we THINK SOCIETY is about r/ships AND WORKING TOGETHER to achieve things.
Whether you belong to the religious section or the irreligious part of mankind,one has to agree on the fact that society needs to work together ,to function well.All the evil in the world can never be eradicated[in my opinion].However,the urgent need to deal and solve several of humankind problems...is imminent .We have only ourselves to blame,if problems become more complex because we have refused to come together to solve them.Of course,differences would always exist between us but,so also would common problems.And networking and compromising on our deep seated principles for awhile ...helps smoothen solutions into the system.It is impossible to work society or work in society efficiently without chatting to one another.If you are ...the kind of person who thinks society is about working together to achieve goals,you would find talking invaluable.
J. TO EXPRESS OUR WANTS AND NEEDS
From the time we learn how to talk, to the time we find our bodies in some grave...we realise that to get what we want and need,we have to express them.Talking helps us to communicate our wishes to those around us.We could chose to command,seduce,cajole,discuss or display our wishes.All media require us to talk to each other.And for ...those of us who,are inclined to rely on telepathy or subtle body language only ,to express our wants and needs;my hopes for you is limited.You need to say what you want,and mean what you say.Otherwise,there is very little chance of getting what you want.Rejection is part of life.Rejection lets you ...know what you cannot get or what does not deserve you.Ask for what you want.
K. TO THINK OUT & through OUR PROBLEMS.
When we iron ...out the debate between our judgemental and experimental self,it is similar to this motive.To think out our problems is a break-off from the G point above.The slight difference[for me]is the awareness of your chatting partner.You can present a problem ...and ask for a solution.This could be your reason for talking.In a group,it is called brainstorming.At the beginning of the chat..an answer to the questions are not available.However,we usually hope that ...by the end of the conversation there are answers [or a possibility of one].
L. IF THERE IS A DESIRE to express feelings and thoughts.
Sometimes we have no clear spelt out goal or concrete destination...when we talk.We just want to talk,to feel good or better.There are times ...when expressing yourself is more important than been understood.Your desire is a bit selfish.It is okay[in my book]You can have a need to blow off steam or stress,and talking about "nothing"or "rubbish"can heal your discomfort or hurt.It means more ...to you than to the person you are talking to...[a good reason to have real friends]It is moments like this...that you spill precious information.And you do not want ...anyone off the street to handle knowledge that can be used as a laser weapon against you.
Expressing our incompletely formed feelings and thoughts,is both healthy and wise.However,my advice is that ...you do not do it often.Incomplete understanding or thoughts..are not your true feelings or knowledge,so the more you air it,the more the listeners[you or friend]start to think ....it is what you truly believe.No gooder!!
M. TO IMPROVE OUR IDEAS
Intellectuals[no hating,plz] love this ...motive.In their brain and mind ...are floating ideas and notions.It is like a sea of toys.Which one...do I play with?I call them ...internally energized people.Talking about these notions or ideas...helps improve their resident ideas.And before you ...ask,why would someone want to improve on an idea that would most likely not amount to anything [you never know].Think of a collector of [stamps,cars music or sexual experiences]It is the memory of them that counts ....to their meaning.And improving ...the collection whether it is by increasing quantity or embellishing the stories or pimping up the car;it adds to the visual and recalling experience.
N. BECAUSE ENCOURAGEMENT AND MOTIVATION are in short supply.
A lot of people are hurting.Believe me people.We are increasingly becoming a generation that keep our hurts and struggles bottled up.It is seen as a sign of weakness,and a 'survival flawed move',to open up.We need encouragement and motivation ...in whatever pursuits we embark upon in life.The bottle or drug ...would not replace a healthy ...encouraging talk from a fellow human being.People judge easily of course.However,you have to measure the potential harm ...when you keep things inside for too long.When events and experiences are frustrating or disappointing...it is when we turn to the time-tested habit of talking with someone who can motivate you further.I PRAY FOR EACH OF MY READERS...THAT YOU FIND SOMEONE THAT CAN TALK TO YOU AT THOSE CRUCIAL MOMENTS..WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS BAD.Trust me ...nothing is worth over-stressing.Tommorrow is a different today.Public opinion is over-rated.Heroes turn into zeros,and zeroes turn into heroes in split seconds.Work hard ...but,do not stress out.Read my article on happiness.
O. TO REINVENT OURSELVES.
Finally,we talk to change the way we perceive ourselves.You can talk yourself ...into taking a bold action or move.We also talk ...to change how others view us.Life is about learning and progressing.It does not matter how small.It could be ...just being able to see another day.HAPPYLIVING guys and gals....austin4sports.com Article.If you know anyone ...who needs this article,do not hesitate to copy and send it them.Thanks