HOW TOUGH ARE YOU...?
I am going...to tackle a very sensitive and tough topic today.And permit me ..to enter your inner sanctuaries.(That place,that nobody ...gets into because,it belongs to you and,only you)You see,whether you believe God exists or not,you will have to accept that you exist.[At some point,of your self examination]This does not have to be a morbid or serious reflection.What I want us ..to examine today,is what drives..most of us mentally[our attitude]Sometimes it is ...the attitude of our friends,family members or admired colleagues that affect our own attitude.Sometimes,it is the failures of certain earlier attitudes of yours,that makes ...some of us to chose the opposite attitude to motivate our eventual and future actions.
We are going to look at a few concepts:
I believe that each one of us...has a personality and a character.Forgive me again,for ignoring the conventional definitions of these terms.Try...and suspend your intellects
for a few minutes,in this journey.View this experience...as one would do when you are window shopping.You are not ...there to buy.You are just looking.And,if something catches your interest,you would have to go home,and come back with the money;and then buy whatever it is you have decided to purchase.Now,do the same thing here:
READ,LISTEN,UNDERSTAND...and contemplate.Only then,should you decide to accept.Here we go...
I have always ...been curious about the concept of toughness.It is has been clear...to
me from day one,that everyone is vulnerable at some point,at something.So when I
see someone portraying themselves as invincible.I know..they are either being stupid,dumb or ignorant.One ...other thing it could be,is trying to be manipulative.And
please do ...not mistake the idea of courage with toughness.Courage is an ..acknowledgement of vulnerability and fear ...which does not hinder you from taking the 'right ' actions.And,I am not saying..you should not be tough.[This may sound like a contradiction but,it is not]When I say...be tough;I mean you should learn to survive difficulties.[self inflicted or otherwise]A toughness...that says,you should
be evil,bad,nasty,rude or mean....is the wrong "conceptionalization" of toughness.
And,I find..a lot of people lack the skills to navigate awkward or difficult situations and problems,so they resort to these weaker emotional expressions.Now,for a second..let
me go back to that statement...that everyone of us has a personality and a character.This is how I see these two fundamental notions:Personality is a self marker..but,is an amalgamation of several experiences of life.[It is an essence added unto oneself,due to their learning from the experiences of life]However,character
is a core holding or centre that ...influences how you respond to these experiences.It holds your personality [or personalities for some]together.So simply put...two different characters could experience the same thing but,come out with different personalities because of it.I mention ...character and personalities because,I think,they determine ..why some "conceptionalization"toughness the wrong way or the right way.
What is the importance or relevance of this knowledge.Well,thinking of toughness
the wrong way,leads us to ...acting mean.rude,evil,nasty and naughty.
What is meanness?Meanness is ...unkindness,spitefulness and unfairness.Wow!Already,I can guarantee you that,many reading this article would recognise those
concepts or words.Of course,we rationalise these emotions and actions with excuses
that ..the recipients deserve such treatment.Now,I do not ...want to sound like I am preaching because,I am talking to myself[as well]as I write.So,those who know me ,
should call me out,when they see me 'breach' anything I say here.I will appreciate it,honestly.Let me say,here ...that kindness does not mean softness.I am not soft.I know many colleagues mistake my fairness and kindness for softness.Let me correct your ignorance once and for all...Softness entails,that you are sensitive to everything that hurts others(or causes discomfort)
Kindness entails that you are,only sensitive to things you think are the right things to preserve or encourage,in any situation.For,example...your daughter could want sweets before a meal.And,you know,it is not healthy.Being soft..is succumbing to her tears,and giving her that sweet.Being kind...is giving her a beautiful intimate hug,and tell her she ..would have it later[not before her meal]And,if she wants ..to cry her eyes out,then..it is her choice to wash her eyes of a lot of dirt.You watch her cry,and eventually stop,then eat...her meal.And,then you comfort her again.That is ..kindness.
MEAN IS DOING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE..WITH THE INTENTION TO HURT
The problem...I have with some people,I know...is that they believe, to survive
they need to be tough.And,to be tough..means to be mean to others.Now,you can hopefully know...better.And,when one is judging what to be sensitive to,and
what not ..to be sensitive to,we can all be mistaken or wrong.Nevertheless,if your intentions are to heal rather than hurt,then you are not being mean.There is a very fine line.Some know ...they are hurting others,but hide behind the idea that,"it would be good for them"Life is tough,it would make them tougher.The telling factor that ...makes you know that they are not been kind or healing,is that they do not care,whether you learn or become better,they are only interested ...in "teaching you a lesson".This is a hurting action,and not a healing one.
The term bad..is now, a twisted word.It is recognised as the opposite;being good or excellent.Here,I am referring to 'bad'as the original and dictionary definition that states it as something of poor quality,inferior or defective.As we are ..talking about behaviour here;it refers to someone who is always acting badly with bad intentions.
This refers ...to something that looks bad,even if it is unintentional.
This refers to..initiating an opposition to culture or tradition.Now,I have a subtext to this notion.Sometimes,people can be rude in subtle ways;and the only way ...to
respond back is,to be rude also.And everyone understands..when juvenile rebellion
leads to rudeness.It is part of ...the growing up process.Do not completely deny them this recourse.And,I must add here...[because,I may not get another opportunity]that some manipulative personalities use the issue or concept of rudeness as a whip or tool.As I said,it is not conforming to traditions or culture.Some
culture are adverse to your nature.And some traditions..are not good traditions.So
any act in defiance is rude,on the face of it but,is necessary.Again,if your rudeness
is to hurt instead of healing then,it is not acceptable [in my book]
This refers ...to when the source of your badness is questionable,unknown and not understood.And,it is probably incurable.
This refers to a playful badness.A refusal to obey instructions,and opposition to a command in a subtle,playful or hidden way.Of course,it could pass respectable or acceptable boundaries but,largely or generally is okay.And sometimes,necessary for for fun.[mostly adult only]
Finally,when someone askes ...how tough are you?Or demands ...you should be tougher.I hope you would now know,what to take from it,and respond appropriately.
Being tough...the wrong way,requires an ability and the luck,of having more than one life to spare.It takes ...a lot of ignorance and defiance of reality to be bullishly tough.Most times,you will run out of lives...Knowing what is being displayed before..your presence is very important.Is the person being naughty,mean,rude,simply bad or evil...and hiding behind the mask of toughness?It is smart ...to respond properly,and let it not change your personality.
Now that is ..smart,and being tough the right way.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY...MUM,AUNTY,SISTER...AND COUSINS.And ...to every mother.